Embracing Our Sexuality: A Candid Discussion with Sex & Intimacy Coach, Leah Carey

Debra Coleman [00:00:10]:
Hello. And once again, welcome back to another episode of Have a Seat, Conversations with Women in the Workplace podcast. I am your host, Deborah Coleman. Hey. Welcome to my very first interview of 2024. So exciting. Oh, and boy, are we starting the year off right. Let me tell you.

Debra Coleman [00:00:30]:
Stay tuned, and you may wanna keep this episode on the old earbuds and take it off speaker or take it off Bluetooth because I am having a very incredibly engaging conversation with miss Leah Carey. Leah Carey is a dynamic sex and intimacy coach and the brilliant mind behind her very own podcast, Good Girls Talk About Sex. Yes, my friend. We are going there. Let's just start 2024 off on that foot. Right? We're just gonna enter the party ready to go. Leah specializes in guiding individuals through the uncharted Territories of their sexuality, whether it's diving back into the dating pool or maybe exploring 1st time queer experiences, navigating consensual nonmonogamy, or even mastering the art of communicating about kink. What sets Leah apart is her superpower, radical empathy.

Debra Coleman [00:01:31]:
As you'll hear, she creates a judgment free space where your true sexual nature is reflected back at you, allowing you to see yourself without shame. And that's what I love most about what she explains in our conversation is that getting out of the shame mindset. I love that. So, my friend, get ready for an open and enlightening conversation on embracing desire and breaking down barriers with the incredible miss Leah Carey. Welcome back everybody to another episode of Have A Seat, And I am so excited because this is my very first guest after the new year. So we're starting 2024 off with, And a bang with no pun intended. I just now thought of that. Just came to me, miss Leah, so I apologize for that really bad joke.

Debra Coleman [00:02:23]:
Joining me is miss Leah Carey, sex and intimacy coach, podcaster, and author. So excited. As I mentioned to Leah, I don't think we've actually conquered this subject yet on my podcast, so so excited to have you here with us today, miss Leah.

Leah Carey [00:02:38]:
Well, thank you so much for having me. And don't know if we're gonna conquer it today either, but we can at least make some good progress.

Debra Coleman [00:02:45]:
Well said. Totally well said. We are dipping our toes. Yes. And maybe we can we can convince you to come back for a part 2. That would be really cool.

Leah Carey [00:02:55]:
I'm always available.

Debra Coleman [00:02:57]:
Awesome. I'm gonna note Right now. Well alrighty. So as I mentioned briefly, in when we got started today, your you work As a sex and intimacy coach, intimacy, I have such a problem saying that, so forgive me through the span of this episode as I if I mispronounce that word. But so it your work covers a wide range of areas. I mean, your website is so beautifully done. And I know I apologize for asking this question because I'm sir I'm sure I am the 1,001 person to ask you this, but let's Start off by having you share with us possibly briefly why the direction of becoming a sex and intimacy coach? Intimacy.

Leah Carey [00:03:40]:
I actual yeah. I think it's an important question, because you wanna know where somebody comes from. If you're gonna work in this most raw and vulnerable area of your life, you wanna know the background that somebody's coming from. And do you feel good Good about having them muck about in this most raw and personal and vulnerable area of your life. So I welcome the question. I actually come from a history of really severely repressed sexuality Into my early forties, I was terrified of my sexuality. I had grown up in a home That was, pretty abusive emotionally, and this is a hard concept Sometimes to talk about because, there are not good words for it, but my father was not, he didn't touch me inappropriately, But he spoke to me inappropriately about sex. And there was a lot of sexual conversation, a lot of sexual material, just a lot of sexual energy in our home that was wildly inappropriate for me to be taking in, you know, as a kid.

Leah Carey [00:05:02]:
Mhmm. Good. And at the same time, he was Talking to me about my body, telling me, like, I'm gonna lock you in your room until you're 30 so the boys can't get to you, and I'm gonna Break the kneecaps of any boy who looks at you, but then he was also telling me that I was you know, as I hit puberty, I was getting fat and unattractive. I was gonna look like my mother Who and that was said in a very pejorative way. Keep in mind, they were still married at that point. So, You know, presumably, she was the woman he loved, but, you know, I was gonna look like my mother if I weren't careful. And, that I was basically, the message was very clearly that I was unlovable And that I would not have people who were interested in me or attracted to me, which set up this, like, incredibly confusing Dichotomy of, am I so desirable that I need to be protected from the world? Or am I so unattractive that no one will ever look at me? And The way that my 11 or 12 year old brain squared those 2 completely opposing messages was The only people who will ever look at me or want to touch me are people who want to assault me, are people who want to hurt me. And so I just shut down my sexuality.

Leah Carey [00:06:40]:
Like, I wanted nothing to do with it.

Debra Coleman [00:06:42]:
That was safer, it sounds like, in

Leah Carey [00:06:44]:
in It It was the only safe option. All of this obviously is adult Leah talking. I had no idea what was going on In my head at the time, this is all stuff that I figured out later. But I stayed in that space of Really, like, not allowing my sexuality to be seen in the world at all. Internally, I was obsessed with sex. I was like, I would read anything I could get my hands on. And this is even me at, like, 11 12 years old, which is actually not uncommon for people who've been sexualized too early, is the sort of obsession with it Before we would think it's, quote, unquote, you know, developmentally app developmentally appropriate. So I was obsessed with reading about it, watching it on TV, you know, when I stayed at other people's houses turning on cable after 11 Yeah.

Leah Carey [00:07:43]:
I'm so I could watch all this muddy stuff. You know? Like, just completely obsessed, but not allowing myself to participate in any of it. I didn't have sex for the 1st time until I was 25. And then over the next, 15 17 years. I had a fairly small number of sexual partners. Like, I could count them basically on one hand, and none of them were longer than 2 years. That apparently was my limit for how long I could put up with somebody's bullshit because I was choosing partners who mimicked a lot of my father's words or behaviors

Debra Coleman [00:08:30]:
Wow.

Leah Carey [00:08:31]:
Which, again, so common For people who have grown up in any kind of abuse situation, to find people who will reinforce those things that you already believe about yourself. So I had a I had a string of really not great relationships, And people who, you know, perpetuated this idea that I was unattractive and unlovable and fat and, you know, etcetera. And then I hit my early forties. And this is why I think this story is, actually important to for a lot of people to hear, especially women to hear, I did not start doing my work to contact my sexuality until my early forties. It is never, never, never too late. You have not Past your prime, you have not lost the best years of your life. Like, you can do this at whatever moment is right for you. So in my early forties, I ended up going through I was not expecting it, but I ended up going through this really profound sexual healing journey and, Doing all these things that I had been fantasizing about for so long.

Leah Carey [00:09:53]:
You know? Mhmm. The the threesomes and the, you know, just the sex parties and all this stuff, and really beginning to learn about who I was as a sexual being as opposed to who other people had told me I was supposed to be as a sexual being.

Debra Coleman [00:10:12]:
Interesting.

Leah Carey [00:10:14]:
And in that process, you know, I start talking to my girlfriends, and they start asking me questions. And I'm like, oh, I actually have answers for these questions, because I was taking a lot of classes, and I was just I was just like a sponge soaking everything in. And so that eventually turned into Coaching because it became clear that there was so many people who were just Dying to ask the questions or to have the conversation or to say this happened to me. Was that okay, or was that wrong? Or this is something that I want, and I fantasize about, is that bad or wrong or perverted? And They felt safe having those conversations with me.

Debra Coleman [00:11:01]:
That is quite the journey. I mean, I'm I was shaking my head through almost all of it. And dare I say, very relatable. Who of us has you know, we are so shaped by our upbringing in our views about sex and our own sexuality. But I think it scares people to go down that road.

Leah Carey [00:11:28]:
Yeah. Well, we grow up in a culture that That is very confusing because it both over sexualizes people. You know, you look at television or Commercials. Oh my god. The way that sex is used to sell, commercial products is astonishing. If you take a step back and look at it from a, you know, from a nonconsumer point of view, but from the point of view of somebody who's just looking at the landscape, it's Unbelievable the way that sex is used. And yet we're also told that our own bodies Are, you know, immoral or dirty or and and I think a lot of That comes from religious messages that have seeped out into the sort of general Consciousness, while most of us didn't grow up specifically in purity culture, those messages very much Infiltrated all aspects of, so many of our lives. This idea that, well, you're, You know, you're supposed to find that 1 person and get married, and then they're your forever.

Leah Carey [00:12:45]:
That kind of stuff. There's, like, this very prescribed route that you're supposed to take. And if you do anything that deviates from that route, you are definitely Wrong and bad, and, you know, you could, you could take other people down the wrong path with you. You know? Corrupt their souls too. But in the meantime, you're looking at television and being like, but wait. I'm both supposed to be completely chaste and completely sexual. Mhmm. How the hell are you supposed to thread that needle?

Debra Coleman [00:13:24]:
Exactly. Listen. I'm gonna make a very a very kinda maybe a disruptive statement, not to you maybe, but to listeners. I think at least here in North America, we view sex and our sexuality. We did it wrong. We just get it wrong because like you pointed out, we have this Puritan like root, And it seems like it's embedded through generations through generations. And, I mean, I know that's not everyone's story. Some people have the exact opposite, right, As evidenced of by your story, of course.

Debra Coleman [00:13:58]:
You know? No disrespect to your story. But it just seems like then as adults, no wonder We are confused as hell. It's like, okay.

Leah Carey [00:14:08]:
Yeah.

Debra Coleman [00:14:08]:
Am I supposed to be the Stepford wife, like, greeting my husband every night and, like you said, having 1 partner and just taking it and enjoying it, or am I supposed to be, like, exploring things and with my partner and maybe, like, doing different, You know, exploring different ways we can pleasure each other or pleasure ourselves. But yet again, there's that undercurrent of, what are you talking about? You're not supposed to talk like that. You're not supposed to think like that. How do we what do we do? I don't even I don't What

Leah Carey [00:14:34]:
are you supposed to do? Yes. Literally.

Debra Coleman [00:14:37]:
Right.

Leah Carey [00:14:37]:
Like, it is incredibly normal for little kids To discover and explore their bodies. And what happens when an adult sees them exploring their bodies? They say, don't do that. That's dirty. Right. Or if you're, you know, a little bit progressive, you'll say, well, don't do that in public. You only do that in private, Which gives the child that, you know, maybe not the whole this is bad and wrong and terrible message, but at least the you're supposed to Hide this message. So, like and kids, this whole idea that girls don't Start to explore their own bodies until late in their teens. I'm gonna push back on that hard because When I interview people on my podcast and I interview people who, were brought up as little girls plus transgender women.

Leah Carey [00:15:36]:
And so anybody who was brought up as a little girl, I asked them, when did you start Masturbating. Or at least when did you start exploring your body? And I I haven't looked at the numbers recently, but, it something like 50% of the people I've interviewed have started exploring their body before age 7. And something like 90% or 88% had started exploring their body by 12 or 13. So this idea that girls just don't, I think, is another one of those, like, weird cultural messages, Which is not to say that there aren't some girls who don't absolutely, but I think that it's actually much more common, But we're so ashamed of it. I mean, when I Literally, if I had if you had told me 10 years ago that this is the work I was gonna be doing, I would have absolutely told you to get your head checked Because I couldn't say the word masturbation out loud.

Debra Coleman [00:16:48]:
Wow.

Leah Carey [00:16:48]:
Like, that's how scary this topic was for me.

Debra Coleman [00:16:51]:
Mhmm.

Leah Carey [00:16:52]:
And I think that's true for a lot of people, especially women, but a lot of people in general.

Debra Coleman [00:16:57]:
Yes. Yes. Because we're also taught, well, what happens behind Someone's doors is their business. Right. You know? So it's like you may have maybe a core friend or a group of friends that you can maybe dip your toe into that area and kind of, like, maybe but it's always signed like, kinda, like, half joking or, you know, Bridesmaids kind of vibe, like, ah. You know?

Leah Carey [00:17:21]:
Right. Yeah. And it's usually with alcohol involved.

Debra Coleman [00:17:24]:
Let's be honest. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Now Yeah. Being an, an intimacy intimacy coach, along those, like, There's a Freudian thing in there somewhere. Why I can't yeah. That's a whole another show.

Debra Coleman [00:17:40]:
Matter of fact, I'm just gonna book an appointment. Why can't you even say the word intimacy? I would assume, we're kind of, like, in the in the neighborhood of developing trust between yourself and your clients. How does that how do you establish that and maintain that with your clients during the time that you spend together?

Leah Carey [00:18:03]:
Wow. What an interesting question. No one has ever asked me that before. Yay. Yay. So I think that the first thing is I will describe myself as somebody who has radical empathy. And what I mean by that is there is virtually nothing you could tell me that would make me think any less of you as a person. And maybe people I don't like because of their personality, you know, out in the world, but There is nothing you could tell me about what you've done, who you are, what has been done to you In terms of sexuality or relationships that would make me think that you are unworthy of being treated with respect.

Leah Carey [00:19:01]:
Because I deeply, deeply believe that Everything that we do has a precursor. There's nothing that just sort of comes out of nowhere. So let's take the example of, let's say, a girl who's young woman who's in her early twenties say, and she's having a lot of 1 night stands a lot of sex with a lot of different people. Now all that is a story that comes with a lot of shame, Especially if I'm talking to that person, you know, 10, 15 years later, and I ask them about their early sex life. That is a story that they generally feel very ashamed of telling, but That story doesn't come out of nowhere. That story is very often predicated by us, another story Of, you know, being told that they are not allowed to own their sexuality. And so they say, fuck you. I'm gonna go own my sexuality all over town.

Leah Carey [00:20:16]:
Or, you know, on the other side, maybe being sexualized very young and believing that your only worth in the world is your ability to use your body to get attention. So you're gonna tell me that there is something Wrong and immoral about a young woman getting attention the only way she's ever been taught she's allowed to. Like, these things are not shameful. They all come from somewhere. And so I think that That just base level of empathy and respect is in general what people respond to with me, I think. And if anybody else is listening who knows me and has worked with me, please feel free to let me know if the answer is Difference.

Debra Coleman [00:21:07]:
Right. Oh, I mean, just your, your answer there and your explanation, I immediately felt that welcoming vibe from you, and I trusted and believed you when you said no topic is off the table. Right? You you're in a safe space, so to speak.

Leah Carey [00:21:23]:
Yeah. There is literally when it comes to sex and sexuality, I there are a lot of people who think in terms of right and wrong, good and bad, moral, immoral. There is nothing that is immoral about sex. There's absolutely nothing you can do sexually or desire or Fantasize about sexually that is immoral. The only line that can't be crossed is that you're not allowed to hurt other people Without their consent. If you have their consent, you can hurt them all day long, and they will love it. But you're not allowed to physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually harm someone without their consent. That is the line.

Leah Carey [00:22:10]:
Everything short of that line is fair game.

Debra Coleman [00:22:13]:
Mhmm.

Leah Carey [00:22:15]:
And I Promise you that if you're thinking about something, there is already an entire community of people somewhere who are doing it.

Debra Coleman [00:22:23]:
So that alone should make you feel better. Right?

Leah Carey [00:22:25]:
Right.

Debra Coleman [00:22:27]:
So Yeah. Who am I that I am seeking Leah's counsel? Who who am I that I am looking for a sex and intimacy coach?

Leah Carey [00:22:39]:
I think there are a bunch of different answers to that. The people who seek me out are often women in their, you know, thirties or forties who are feeling like, you know, I really love my partner, and I love Everything about our life except our sex lives. I don't wanna divorce them or leave them because the rest of our life is great, but, oh my god, If we have to do the same thing tonight that we did last night and last week and the week before and the week before, I'm gonna scream, Or they're just not having sex at all. There's also the, the mom of, You know, let's say a couple of kids who says, this is very this is usually a heterosexual issue, though not always, the mom comes to me and says, if my husband asks me for sex one more time, I'm gonna scream. I never want him to touch me again. And that conversation almost to a person goes like this. I say, cool. Like, I'm glad that we now know what you don't want.

Leah Carey [00:23:56]:
But let me ask you a question. Is it true that you never want them to touch you again? And the answer is, again, almost always no. Actually, I want them to touch me more than they're touching me, But it needs to be a different kind of touch. Mhmm. So, that's another person. There are the people who come to me because they wanna try new things, people who maybe are look wanting to, explore BDSM or wanting to go into the world of nonmonogamy. They're wanting to try new things, and they just want somebody to kind of hold their hand and sort of be their backup, make sure that they're doing things in a healthy, safe way. And then I also, have been working more and more lately with couples, and I'm loving that.

Debra Coleman [00:24:49]:
Really? Why is that?

Leah Carey [00:24:50]:
Yes. It's amazing Because they come the stories that they come in with are all different. You know? They're again, they're almost always couples who are saying, We love each other, and we want to stay together, but the sex just isn't working. And so often, What we're able to do in those sessions is to look at how their communication skills are blocking their ability to connect, And that lack of connection is leading to disconnected sex. And so we can right there in the session work on the communication skills and skills and actually learn and practice positive healthy communication skills. And the results are astonishing. I remember I had 1 couple who, this is a while back, so I'm I'm not talking about anybody who's a current client. They came to me because they were constantly sniping at each other.

Leah Carey [00:25:54]:
They couldn't even really have A calm conversation and especially when it came to sex. They were so disconnected, but they really loved each other, and they wanted to figure out how to make it work. And so we worked together for several months. And in one of our final coaching sessions, the Wife very shyly said, so we did what you suggested, and we went to this sexy store, And we got a vlogger. I was like, oh my god. I'm so excited for you. And then they started asking questions about How do you use the vlogger? And I was like, well, why don't you just go get the vlogger, and we'll practice here on the call? And so by the end of the Call, like, she's leaning over the couch, and he's flogging her, and I'm giving them tips. Like, that's the most fun thing ever.

Leah Carey [00:26:50]:
Who doesn't wanna do that?

Debra Coleman [00:26:52]:
That's a true coach right there. Yeah.

Leah Carey [00:26:56]:
Like, I have the best job in the world.

Debra Coleman [00:27:00]:
Oh my god. But I love that they felt that level of comfort, with each other, with you to you know, it like you said, it doesn't have to be this, like, scary behind the curtain conversation.

Leah Carey [00:27:15]:
Yeah.

Debra Coleman [00:27:15]:
That's a that's a great story. I you should be very proud of yourself. I don't blame you. Oh, well, along those lines, for For anyone who might be listening, who is entertaining the idea of meeting with someone like yourself or getting in touch with you to continue the conversation, What kind of, maybe, practical tips or advice can you give to someone who's thinking about, You know, scheduling some time with you or maybe they've already done that, and now they're facing their 1st session with you. What are some things they should maybe keep in mind pre And during or one or the other, what what's your advice there?

Leah Carey [00:27:56]:
Yeah. Breathe. Okay.

Debra Coleman [00:27:59]:
Very nice.

Leah Carey [00:28:00]:
Like, honestly, that's the the top most important thing. Mhmm. We literally do forget to breathe. Like, You'll you'll have air going in and out of your your nose, but you're not actually taking in enough oxygen to to oxygenate your body. Beyond that, I think it's really important. You know, if you're hearing your voice and you think, oh, she sounds like somebody I wanna work with. Fantastic. Please come find me.

Leah Carey [00:28:30]:
I would love to talk with you. Right. But if I'm not the person who's right for you, but this conversation is sparking your interest, It's really, really important to find the person who feels the most safe and relatable And just like you get them and they get you because you are going into some of of the most vulnerable raw parts of yourself. You have to have somebody Who you feel a 100% safe and confident with. You should not be doing this work With somebody who feels sort of like, I mean, yeah, I I kind of like them. You know? In in, sexuality, we talk about how if you're gonna do something, it should be a hell yes for you. And if you're gonna work with somebody, they should be a hell yes for you.

Debra Coleman [00:29:35]:
You and your partner?

Leah Carey [00:29:38]:
It depends on who, what you're doing and and what you if you're gonna let me say that differently. If you're gonna work as an individual, doesn't matter what your partner thinks. They you that person needs to be, a good fit for you. Okay. If you're gonna work as a couple, then it Should be somebody who you both feel comfortable with.

Debra Coleman [00:29:58]:
Okay.

Leah Carey [00:29:58]:
And let me also say, if you're gonna work with, with somebody as a couple, It's a good idea to vet people. You should always be able to have some sort of introductory call where you just sort of get a feel for the coach. Mhmm. And, during that time, really pay attention To how they interact with each of you as individuals, a coach is not there To be telling you who is right and who is wrong. Because there's very rarely a time when somebody is all right and somebody is all wrong unless we're talking in about an abuse situation. Right. What you're looking for is somebody who can help you to tease apart what's not working and then help you both to find your communication skills. I am not here to call balls and strikes.

Leah Carey [00:31:00]:
I'm here to help you figure out how you're playing the game and what's working for you and what's not.

Debra Coleman [00:31:05]:
I like that. I am not here to call balls and strikes. I'm here to call. That's a very good point, especially with this topic. You know, there's enough Yes. Yeah. Anxiety, and it may be in some cases, shame or, you know, curiosity that we don't want to extinguish that or, you know, knock somebody off before they even enter the front door. Right? So Right.

Leah Carey [00:31:29]:
Exactly. And I think so often people and And this is very frequently true for men because I think that men, in a heterosexual couple Expect to be villainized because of how we talk about men when it comes to sex. And so they'll think, oh, If we go see a female coach, then the 2 here are just gonna gang up on me. That is so not helpful, that kind of energy. I I don't mean that that question isn't unhelpful. You are allowed to have whatever questions you need to have. But if somebody, If a coach actually comes in with that energy of, well, you're a man, and so, obviously, there's something off, that is a Huge red flag.

Debra Coleman [00:32:14]:
Exact good point. That's a great point. That's a great point. There yeah. There it sounds like there Everybody should be coming from a level playing field. And as you said, the the radical empathy should be there. Should you should get a you should see it. You should maybe Feel it and Yeah.

Debra Coleman [00:32:32]:
Know that that person is listening. Like, you are. Like, you you you exude that radical empathy. Oh. You really

Leah Carey [00:32:40]:
do. That's the nicest thing you could say. Oh, well.

Debra Coleman [00:32:44]:
It's so true. And in the context of this podcast interview, I already feel very comfortable. Like, okay. I would absolutely go to Leah because you just have that welcoming, let's talk and figure it out together. You know? There are no bad guys here, As we said, excluding illegal activity, of course. But, right. Yeah. Wonderful.

Debra Coleman [00:33:04]:
Well, along those good vibes, let's Share with, our listeners about your podcast. Good Girls Talks About Sex. Tell us about that. Love the title by the way. Oh, awesome.

Leah Carey [00:33:16]:
Thank you. The title is actually a funny story. I, so I started it in 2019, but I was prepping it all through 2018. And I had a rough Cut of the first or or of an episode, and I sent it to a few of my friends to to say, like, Is this something you would wanna listen to more of? And one of my friends messaged me back, and she was like, I can't listen to that. And she's very snarky. Should this this was obviously a joke. She's like, I can't listen to this. Good girls don't talk about sex.

Leah Carey [00:33:47]:
And I was like, oh my god. That's the name of the show. Good girls talk about sex.

Debra Coleman [00:33:52]:
That's cute.

Leah Carey [00:33:55]:
So it's me talking with Everyday women. So this is not a celebrity show by any stretch of the imagination, but it's also not an expert show. This is me talking to everyday women about their sex lives. It For the 1st several, 4 years, it was sort of long form in-depth interviews with individual people about their sex lives. And then this year, I decided I really needed it. I needed a change of format. And, so I started doing more coaching examples, like, You know, you get to listen in on a coaching session that has been set up specifically with that person knowing it's gonna be broadcast. So it's not like me just taping some of these random coaching sessions.

Debra Coleman [00:34:49]:
Taxi cab confessions because girls talk about sex.

Leah Carey [00:34:52]:
Yeah. Exactly. And then I also do some pop culture commentary about how sexuality and gender and, And, you know, just all and relationships are depicted in movies and television.

Debra Coleman [00:35:07]:
I love that you cover all of that. All of those you just have a nice broad spectrum. But I do love that your conversations are very every day. It it goes back to our Beginning the conversation where, you know, maybe we have a small circle of friends we could talk to, maybe we don't, but your podcast provides that for us. Yeah.

Leah Carey [00:35:26]:
Yes. Exactly. I when I started the show, it was very clear to me that I wanted to have these these are the conversations I wanted to have. And not only that, these were the conversations that if I had been able to Here 10 years earlier, they would have made a difference for me.

Debra Coleman [00:35:48]:
Mhmm. Mhmm.

Leah Carey [00:35:50]:
In a way that Listening to experts talk about how to give a better blow job was never gonna do for me because I wasn't even giving any blow jobs.

Debra Coleman [00:36:02]:
Let's get real here. That's just not yeah. No. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, I'm as you're saying that, I'm also thinking If you are a parent to a young adult and or a person, you know, coming up in the teenage years or whatever it is these days, This your podcast would also be a lovely way if you find it difficult to have those conversations. And maybe you're just tongue tied, and maybe you just Maybe your teen or young adult kinda shuts down when that you know, maybe introducing them to a podcast like yours will just kinda help bridge that gap a little bit possibly.

Leah Carey [00:36:37]:
So I am not allowed to say that anybody under 18 should listen to my podcast because because it has sexual material in it. Okay. With that said Yes. If you are a parent who would like to introduce your teen with some supervision to the podcast, I actually think it's Incredible, because it helps them to begin to formulate their own thoughts about sexuality separate from what they're hearing from the culture. Because very often, our teens, especially in this day where teens have Such immediate access to porn Yeah. And to some of the types of porn that can be most destructive. I'm not somebody who says porn is bad across the board. I think there are some really good uses for it.

Leah Carey [00:37:26]:
But, The porn that is available for free in those places can very often be very destructive. And so Giving teens a way to think about and talk about healthy sexuality is, I think one of the greatest gifts we can give to them.

Debra Coleman [00:37:47]:
Agreed.

Leah Carey [00:37:47]:
So I'm not gonna tell you that they should listen to it, but if they do happen to listen to it, I'm not gonna you.

Debra Coleman [00:37:54]:
Right. Exactly. And listeners, before you clutch your pearls going, I would never. I can't believe but you'll let them sit there and watch the videos that are going on right or listen to the suggestive lyrics from songs. I mean, come on. Would you like to hear it from and, Okay. I understand. Under 18 may be a different story, but, like, 18 and over, I feel, right, fair game kind of.

Debra Coleman [00:38:13]:
It's like, would you like to, yeah, hear, You know, advice and guidance from a, you know, an a coach who does this, you know, for a living, you know, versus somebody who's putting some lyrics together, teaching them how to you know? Come on.

Leah Carey [00:38:26]:
Right. I mean, I had a young woman on the podcast a couple years ago. She was, I think, 18 or 19 at the time that we recorded. And she reached out to me because she had been listening, and it was really helping her. And She had started watching porn on the school bus at 12 years old. Like, I am sorry, but if you think that your kids are completely naive and ignorant to what's going on, you're wrong.

Debra Coleman [00:38:56]:
That's right. That's right. Absolutely. You're just wrong. Very well said.

Leah Carey [00:39:02]:
They may not be, you know, seeking it out. They may not be the kid who's wanting to see it all the time, But that does not mean that they're not aware Mhmm. Of the fact that it exists.

Debra Coleman [00:39:14]:
That's right.

Leah Carey [00:39:15]:
They've seen it.

Debra Coleman [00:39:16]:
Or exposed to it or whatever. Mhmm.

Leah Carey [00:39:18]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Debra Coleman [00:39:19]:
So wouldn't you like to control that narrative just a little bit if you can? Right. Just a little bit.

Leah Carey [00:39:23]:
Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

Debra Coleman [00:39:25]:
I well, you know what? At the beginning of the show, I mentioned a part 2, and we're gonna have to entertain a part 2 in 2024 because we touched on salutings. I'm like Highlighting my notes. I'd like to circle back on that. I'd like to circle back on that. Leah, my gosh. Honestly, thank you so much. This has just been Truly enlightening, honestly.

Leah Carey [00:39:47]:
Thank you for having me.

Debra Coleman [00:39:48]:
Absolutely. Oh, now before I let you hop off the microphone, do you have time for One final bonus question.

Leah Carey [00:39:55]:
Absolutely.

Debra Coleman [00:39:55]:
Alrighty. Oh, good. Okay. So, miss Leah, as demonstrated, you are a busy Woman, you run your own business. You have your coach your coaching, you your podcast. When life gets a little too much, What does miss Leah do to help reset and rebalance and just sort of come back to center a bit? I love that question. So

Leah Carey [00:40:25]:
I have I have Been with my partner for almost 6 years.

Debra Coleman [00:40:29]:
Oh, congratulations.

Leah Carey [00:40:31]:
He's thank you. It's the healthiest relationship I've been in and by Far the longest.

Debra Coleman [00:40:37]:
He made it past 2 years, y'all. Who

Leah Carey [00:40:38]:
are I? Exactly. And he and I actually, This is a total detour, but he and I, about a year and a half ago, decided to open our relationship. And it has been this incredibly beautiful experience that has made our relationship so much stronger, Which completely goes against the cultural narrative. But back to the answer to your question. When I get dysregulated, almost the only thing that helps me is skin on skin contact. And, so when I get, you know, kinda jittery or out of sorts. I will tell him, you need to lay down on the couch and take off your shirt because you need to cuddle me. Oh.

Leah Carey [00:41:31]:
And he's amazing. He will. Yeah. We spend actually a lot of time cuddling, which is Pretty much the best thing in the world.

Debra Coleman [00:41:39]:
Yes. There's a lot of power in cuddling. I love that for you. That is the lovely way to reset and rebalance. I love the I love the skin on skin, but I also love that by doing that, you're you're involving him as well. You're involving your partner in your rebalancing. Yeah. Mm-mm.

Leah Carey [00:41:55]:
Yeah. I hadn't thought about it that way, but you're absolutely right. Mhmm. Yeah. Neat.

Debra Coleman [00:41:59]:
Look at me giving advice to the coach. I love it.

Leah Carey [00:42:01]:
Look at you. Man.

Debra Coleman [00:42:04]:
Oh, but no. That is a lovely sentiment. Thank you for sharing that with us. I appreciate that. Oh, well and thank you for allowing this conversation To even have life and to maybe even starting this dialogue. Maybe this will be the start of me introducing more of this topic into my podcast. But if if all if all All I do is introduce you to my listeners and to your podcast. That, I feel, is in a win column.

Debra Coleman [00:42:28]:
Absolutely. Aw. Absolutely.

Leah Carey [00:42:30]:
Thank you.

Debra Coleman [00:42:30]:
There's nothing female sexuality. There, I've said it. Okay? And nothing happened to me. No lightning struck. It's fine.

Leah Carey [00:42:36]:
You know? That's right. The ground did not open up. You are Still standing or sitting. I don't know.

Debra Coleman [00:42:40]:
Yeah. A little both. I've been doing a little both. And if it does happen to rock a little bit, we have Leah there to help get us right balanced.

Leah Carey [00:42:48]:
That's right.

Debra Coleman [00:42:48]:
That's right. Yeah. Oh, thank you, miss Leah. This has been a true joy, honestly.

Leah Carey [00:42:54]:
Thank you so much.

Debra Coleman [00:42:57]:
And that wraps up my conversation with the incredible engaging miss Leah Carey. Once again, I wanna thank Leah for taking time out of her busy scheduled to have a seat with us and to and to involve us in this entire exploratory process of being getting in touch with our intimacy and our sexual desires and making it a safe space to actually do so. I don't know about you, but Through the entire conversation with Leah, I was engaged. I was curious. I was interested in what she had to say. At no point was I experiencing Any shame or embarrassment. It was, and that was all due, I believe, to Leah's welcoming nature. So once again, thank you, miss Leah, for having a seat with us and, bringing us along on this insightful journey.

Debra Coleman [00:43:43]:
If you are eager to explore your own sexual empowerment or learn more about Leah's transformative work, please be sure to check out the show notes where you will find all ways to connect with Leah and to get in touch with her and to explore your own journey towards authentic self discovery. Right? That's what it's all about, authentic self discovery. Alright, my friends. As always, thank you so much for tuning in week, you will also find a link to the Have a Seat website where you will find a whole catalog of incredible conversations just like this. So I I invite you to check out the have a seat website link in the show notes as well, and there are also is a handy dandy register to be a guest link. Come on the show, be a guest, and let's continue the conversation. Alright, everybody. Until next