Permission Not Needed: Building Unshakable Confidence with Speaker & Author, Velera Wilson

00:00.73
Debra Coleman
All right, well, welcome back to another episode of Have a Seat, Conversations with Women in the Workplace podcast. I am your host, Deb Coleman, and joining me, I'm so excited to have this conversation with a speaker, an author, and well-known and successful consultant, Ms. Valera Wilson. Valera, thank you so much for joining me this afternoon. I truly appreciate you taking the time.

00:22.88
Velera Wilson
Absolutely. Thank you so much, Debra, for having me. and I'm excited about this conversation.

00:27.55
Debra Coleman
Me too. Me too. Anytime I get to talk to an expert about specifically women in the workplace and what we we face, you know what who gets it, who who's been there, who understands that the struggle is real, it is a real, real joy for me because that is the whole premise of my podcast. So this is going to be a good one.

00:45.84
Debra Coleman
So exciting. um So, well... Let's kick us off then. um let's let's Speaking of messaging and and what we want to you know convey out there to women who are really forging their with their way, whether they're entrepreneurs or they're leading teams, you, Valera, have built a career empowering women um in whatever their phase, or whatever ladder they're climbing, to release self-doubt and lead with confidence.

01:13.67
Debra Coleman
May I ask you, what was the turning point for you when you realized maybe that um possibly your voice and ah your value weren't up for debate anymore?

01:24.66
Debra Coleman
When was that? what What did that look like for Valera?

01:28.16
Velera Wilson
Sure. i can vividly remember thinking about the times and kicking myself when I realized that I was shortchanging myself and I was causing my own demise and my own contributing to my own lack of success.

01:42.84
Velera Wilson
And so i can remember times when i didn't ask for more. i didn't ask for the salary I wanted, or I didn't ask for the promotion. I didn't ask. I was too afraid.

01:53.94
Velera Wilson
i was, I operated from a space of, well, should just be happy that I was offered this or that I'm here. and instead of saying, well, I've demonstrated value. I, I am worth X, Y, and Z. And so that internal riff with myself that, you know, everyone has that moment where you're like, gosh, I wish I would have asked for, I should have asked for, or I really want this, but I'm afraid to ask for it.

02:17.44
Velera Wilson
It's that internal conflict and then seeing others who, in my opinion, weren't as capable, qualified or whatever the list of attributes might be, who were getting it.

02:28.41
Velera Wilson
And there was no difference between me and them other than the fact that they asked and maybe, you know, quite honestly, maybe be skin color or gender or whatever the case might be. So I just started to say, you know what, if, if I'm not going to get it, it's not going to be because but i didn't ask.

02:45.09
Velera Wilson
It's going to be because they said no. And in that case, if they say no, then I'm going to be strategic and figure out how or who I can get to, to get to my yes. And so that's the one thing. And the other thing is I started to realize that over time i was in rooms where I was afraid to open my mouth and to share my insights and expertise and knowledge.

03:07.66
Velera Wilson
And there were others in the room who were sharing their opinions about what it should or could be.

03:10.84
Debra Coleman
Mm-hmm.

03:13.57
Velera Wilson
And I knew the answer. I had the information in some cases, I was actually doing the work. And so began to realize it was my responsibility to add value in every room that I sat in by sharing what I knew because everyone has an opinion and a but in my,

03:29.49
Debra Coleman
but

03:30.83
Velera Wilson
right And so I might as well add to the conversation. one's an expert in this room. And so now I'm going to to share what I believe.

03:40.25
Debra Coleman
Wow. Everyone has an opinion and a but. I love that. Is that like, oh, they're going to say, they're saying something, but is that kind of like what it like, but they follow it up with a, well, but.

03:52.22
Velera Wilson
Yeah, I guess it would be more like everyone has an opinion just like they have a but, right?

03:57.52
Debra Coleman
Oh, okay.

03:57.78
Velera Wilson
Everyone's

03:58.25
Debra Coleman
Okay.

04:00.17
Velera Wilson
And so however you want to look at it, that's your opinion. and And if you're going to be courageous enough to share it, even though it may not be right or true, I need to do the same.

04:11.55
Velera Wilson
And I, here's again, I get to be wrong.

04:11.93
Debra Coleman
Thank you.

04:13.31
Velera Wilson
I get to, but I get to share my opinion based on my expertise and my insights. That's why I was invited in the room. And so to not, to not own that seat or to advocate that opportunity,

04:26.30
Velera Wilson
became just a failure um in my part. And so I wanted to make sure that I was participating in my success and not my failure.

04:35.25
Debra Coleman
I love that. I really love that. Participating in your success and not your failure. And I also like that you pointed out, look, you were invited to the room possibly for a reason. so where where are you, why are you afraid to speak up? You know, obviously your insight and your your leadership here is is needed and required. So You have every right, you know, to speak up and say something. I hear those words, but it's really hard to actually then do the thing.

05:02.25
Debra Coleman
um You've said that you've had to learn to do it scared. Is that what but that was a part of?

05:07.57
Velera Wilson
Oh, absolutely. i always like to say fear is an indicator light, not a stoplight, right?

05:08.88
Debra Coleman
Mm-hmm.

05:14.32
Velera Wilson
It's an indicator of something that you feel or think right or wrong. It's a feeling either real or otherwise, right? You could have legitimate reason to be afraid,

05:26.97
Velera Wilson
but it's more of an indicator to check inward and to see what's going on and and why you feel that way more so than a stop light. um It's almost like I and use the analogy all the time of when you see your check engine light come on, it doesn't always mean that your car is going to break down. It's an indicator that, hey, you need to go in for self-servicing or servicing to see what's going on, what the issue might be. And I think we're the same way. We start to feel certain emotions. It doesn't mean that we should stop right away. It means that this you should pay attention to this.

05:59.86
Velera Wilson
Go in for self-servicing and and figure out what's going on with you so that you can address it and be better and perform at your best.

06:09.06
Debra Coleman
And perform at your best. Exactly. Because do you find that either yourself or your clients, once they kind of break through that fear a little bit and actually continue on, I love that you're, you know, you advocate like name it, you know, acknowledge it, but then keep going.

06:22.95
Debra Coleman
Don't let that just completely stop you.

06:23.75
Velera Wilson
Yes.

06:25.01
Debra Coleman
Do you find that that maybe eliminates or dilutes that fear a bit more?

06:29.34
Velera Wilson
Sure, it does, because it's almost like when you realize, oh, it's it's just an indicator. doesn't mean I need to stop. It means that I'm human. I have feelings. And always like to say, if you can address the fear in that moment or whatever moment and keep going anyway, you start to build past performance or track record with yourself and in in being able to recognize that, you know what?

06:52.89
Velera Wilson
i I felt fear the last time and I took action and, oh, wow, look what happened. And so now you're less likely to let fear stop you in the next scenario because you realize on the other side of the fear is something great potentially waiting for you. Either a self-realization that you're more capable than you realize or you're now taking advantage of another opportunity.

07:15.17
Velera Wilson
There's so many great things that are on the other side of you taking action despite the fear that that what you know what you have to look forward to gaining is greater than the fear that you might feel in that moment.

07:27.06
Debra Coleman
o So true. Gosh, yes. If you can just get on the other side of it, you will be rewarded in ways you wouldn't imagine, I'm sure. um Wow, that's amazing. So let's talk about climbing that ladder since we kind of touched on it before.

07:41.76
Debra Coleman
um You've been the youngest, ah possibly the first or the only, i know what that's like, in the room throughout much of your career. What advice would you give to women navigating those lonely or intimidating types of spaces at work?

07:57.72
Velera Wilson
I would say that One year in that you were nominated or selected or invited to be in that role for a reason.

08:05.84
Debra Coleman
Mm-hmm.

08:06.32
Velera Wilson
And I would say to rest in that, if nothing else, at the foundation, rest in that because i don't believe in most cases today, we're just given anything.

08:17.07
Velera Wilson
You've earned the right to be there. and so I always like to say, i call it in my book, take inventory of everything that you've done when you get there. ah everything you've done to get to where you are. and so even when I do keynotes, it's a really powerful saying that i put out there because so often we forget everything that we've done to get to that seat in that room or in that position.

08:39.52
Velera Wilson
We allow fear to overshadow and to diminish all the heart wager. And I call it the the sweat equity that it took to get to those moments in those titles and those positions and, and those, that history,

08:46.97
Debra Coleman
Amen.

08:55.12
Velera Wilson
That sweat equity, all the things that you've done in the past, really say that that's why you wear you. That's why you are where you are. That's why you're qualified to be in that room.

09:06.86
Velera Wilson
It wasn't given to you. It was absolutely earned. And so you can lean into all of those things. It's foundational and fundamental to explain why you're in the room.

09:18.36
Debra Coleman
Wow. Yeah. My gosh. that That is very powerful. And something that we, it's almost like, can we put that on a sticky note so we can look at that every morning? um That's just like some empowering messaging there.

09:30.93
Debra Coleman
Well, you mentioned it. So let's let's go there a little bit. Let's talk about your book. um You're absolutely worth it. Release self-doubt, embrace confidence, and own your yes. I mean, right there, that title.

09:44.25
Debra Coleman
That's your sticky note. Just have the books. Everybody get the book. Have it sitting on your desk every morning and so you can see it.

09:47.97
Velera Wilson
how

09:49.84
Debra Coleman
um So Valera, what what what compelled you to write you write this book? What inspired you?

09:56.75
Velera Wilson
The book was a few years in the making. i've been noodling on different ideas. I wasn't quite sure why where I wanted to land in terms of the theme, but I knew I wanted to write something um just to help others in the workplace.

10:08.13
Debra Coleman
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

10:12.53
Velera Wilson
And so I happened to be on stage for a leader, a women's ah leadership, a conference. And there, these are women from around the world.

10:24.50
Velera Wilson
And you know how sometimes you think you're the only person that struggles with something or the only one that feels a certain way or has a certain fear. And as I was engaging or, you know, we had different breakout sessions during during the conference and women from around the world of all different shades of ages from you know in you know, individual contributor to C-level, to founders.

10:48.99
Velera Wilson
And there were, where there was this constant and similar thread of, am I enough?

10:55.16
Debra Coleman
Mm-hmm.

10:55.27
Velera Wilson
Am I enough?

10:55.30
Debra Coleman
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

10:55.92
Velera Wilson
Am I good enough? Am I smart enough? And so I remember vividly when I got back to my seat after getting off the stage, it was like the book landed in my lap, the concept, um because I began to realize that I wasn't the only woman that felt the way that I felt.

11:14.65
Velera Wilson
And there are so many others. And so I wanted to write a book that was really a message to any woman that wanted to excel or any man for that reason that wanted to excel that question whether they were enough.

11:27.39
Velera Wilson
It's the book that I wish I would have read or had to read earlier in my career. And so I wanted to write a a manual or a guide. I call it the back pocket guide to remind ourselves of we're more than capable, more than qualified.

11:43.07
Velera Wilson
and in those moments that we will inevitably have inevitably have fear to shift and to lean forward into into confidence.

11:53.54
Debra Coleman
Oh, that's excellent. And i I love that you started with you're absolutely worth it right there. Yes, you are. In answer to your question, yes, you are worth it. Next, you know, like what? um Why do you think this seems to always why do you think this question seems to always come into play?

12:10.58
Debra Coleman
it It seems, and and I don't know, I'm not on podcasts that speak to men and what they face and their challenges, but it seems, why do you think that women are seem to always kind of constantly bump up against this type of like um negative negativity or maybe like um negative self-talk or limiting beliefs? It seems to be kind of a recurring theme, unfortunately.

12:32.52
Velera Wilson
I think there's a couple reasons. One is just general social socialization of of women. From a young girl, you're taught to be more community minded than independent and individually minded, right?

12:43.32
Velera Wilson
Girls play with dolls in a bra stroke, right?

12:43.54
Debra Coleman
Yeah.

12:46.29
Velera Wilson
yeah just It may be a hasty generalization, but in general, we're socialized to be thoughtful of others, too to take you know the feedback, to hear what other people think and process it and be concerned and care about what other people think.

13:01.77
Velera Wilson
um ah boys are more socialized to be independent. You know, if you think about it, when you think about girls and and boys and how, what they consider fun, or or I might be dating myself, you know, growing up for me, it was Barbie dolls and Cabbage Patch Kids and all the things that was more about taking care of someone else and being mindful of others.

13:18.05
Debra Coleman
Yeah.

13:22.48
Velera Wilson
Boys, they're outside throwing rocks and, you know, wrestling and doing all the things that competitive. So more about their independent strength and proving that independent strength.

13:27.84
Debra Coleman
yeah

13:32.00
Velera Wilson
and And those things are rewarded individually, right? as As a young girl, you're rewarded mostly when you are thoughtful and kind and sweet and all those things. And boys are more, you know, socialized to be more competitive and sports minded. And obviously those the lines blur, but in general.

13:47.05
Velera Wilson
And so I think that's where it starts. And then when you get into maybe say, for example, the workplace, um and it's reinforced. You know, you hear, well, a woman, she's too assertive or she's too this, but for men, you may not hear the certain the same thing. And so there's different expectations of even personality traits of what leadership looks like as a woman versus a man.

14:11.01
Velera Wilson
And that reinforces the question, am I enough? Am I smart enough? Am I good enough to be in this room? And then you think about just in general, the workplace itself still is predominantly men in leadership. And so what message does that send to a woman looking up the ladder?

14:26.85
Debra Coleman
Mm-hmm.

14:27.05
Velera Wilson
um So there's multiple layers of this that really, you know, I always like to stay starts inward, but absolutely is impacted by external circumstances and situations and realities.

14:42.05
Debra Coleman
So true. Gosh, as you were saying that, I think it was just like a meme came to mind where this woman challenged us watching her really quick short. You know, what's one thing you did today to like combat like micro, don't know if it's microaggression or micro, forget how she labeled it.

15:01.04
Debra Coleman
But one lady said, at the end of the meeting, I didn't start to pick up the coffee cups and take them to the sink. I just walked out. You know, I was like,

15:09.45
Velera Wilson
yeah That's right. That's right. Mm-hmm.

15:13.88
Debra Coleman
ah Just as you were thinking about, like we talking about the systemic um you know roles that we play and that we're put into.

15:14.25
Velera Wilson
Mm-hmm.

15:20.33
Debra Coleman
ah So true, that is so true. I am myself in higher education and we have quite a few feet there. I think it's more well known to see female leadership in higher education or academia, but I think that also could be because it's education and it seems to be of a more nurturing type of career path, right? And so there you go, yeah.

15:39.80
Debra Coleman
Well, okay, along those same lines. Now, talk to the leaders out there who might be tuning in. Is there something that they can do to help, like, flip that seesaw a little bit and have it and help those members of their team who, you know, are maybe the onlys or the women? Or is there something from a leadership standpoint that you can do to be an advocate for this?

16:01.14
Velera Wilson
Sure. And when you say an advocate, are you do you mean an advocate for women, an advocate? Because there's so many different levels of advocacy. Tell me your thoughts on you when you say that.

16:10.06
Debra Coleman
True. Oh, good. but See, this is why you are the pro. um And ah um I guess, yes, i i ah I guess I'm kind of piggybacking off of how women are viewed in the workplace. And as a leader, is there anything that we can do to help sort of stimmy some of that perception?

16:28.87
Debra Coleman
So is it like, um let's not ask Debra to pick up the coffee cups or let's not ask Debra to pass around the hors d'oeuvres at lunch. Let's not, you know, is there something that maybe it is that simple? I don't know.

16:38.96
Debra Coleman
Or if we notice that Debra's not speaking up and if you are practicing some awareness, there's a like 80% male counterparts in the room.

16:39.61
Velera Wilson
Yeah.

16:42.03
Velera Wilson
Yep.

16:45.56
Debra Coleman
Maybe I need to like ask Deb if she'd like to add to the conversation. I don't know Like, is there something that they can?

16:49.45
Velera Wilson
Yes.

16:50.11
Debra Coleman
Yeah.

16:50.75
Velera Wilson
All of the above, Debra, you already got it. So it starts in daily interactions and engagement actions.

16:52.80
Debra Coleman
Oh, okay. Yeah.

16:59.08
Velera Wilson
And sometimes it's the small things that we may not think matter that really do. And that's the thing about the

17:03.44
Debra Coleman
Yeah.

17:05.27
Velera Wilson
the phrase when you say unconscious bias, it's not always malicious or intentional.

17:07.70
Debra Coleman
ah yeah

17:10.40
Velera Wilson
It's just that it's so reactionary because it's maybe your norm that you do it it and you don't realize that it might be impacting you know this particular woman in in a a negative way.

17:22.49
Velera Wilson
And so I think it starts with challenging just as a leader, some of your internal assumptions. Do you handle this particular woman different than you do others in certain scenarios? That's really one good one great question because if you handle you know, Jane's one way in a scenario, but you handle, you know, Jane ah different way in the same scenario, then there's something to really ask yourself.

17:44.77
Velera Wilson
Why? Why do you do that?

17:45.41
Debra Coleman
Mm-hmm.

17:46.69
Velera Wilson
Are there different different expectations you have of her versus her male counterparts in order to be acknowledged, promoted? Do you create opportunity and space like you mentioned to do you ask her questions, ask for her opinion?

18:01.98
Velera Wilson
Or, and this is something I would say in general, to maybe more quieter, more reserved people who are more of the thinkers, for whatever reason, do you ask for their input um versus just listening to the same people that tend to talk the most, right? Because what I found is that people that talk the most aren't always the people that have all that have the right answers.

18:21.00
Velera Wilson
They just talk the most. And so that becomes important. It also goes back to think about, I always like to say, give space for people who aren't the same as you, and that could be male, female, or otherwise.

18:34.93
Velera Wilson
Do you really embrace people that think differently than you, that have a different perspective? Do you welcome that? Because the fastest way to innovation in my mind and their productivity is to value differences.

18:48.27
Velera Wilson
And obviously there's there's tons of studies out there on why that's important, but at the heart of it, when people feel valued, they are more than like, they are more likely to contribute at a greater level. and at the end of the day, i don't know any leader that does not want increased productivity and engagement from their team.

19:08.83
Velera Wilson
And so if you really want that as a leader, you've got to make sure that you're really showing that you value people, even if they don't think like you immediately.

19:19.24
Velera Wilson
Welcome that, embrace that. Of course, if it's just destructive to to the entire group's productivity, that's one thing. But I think You know, it's safe to say that we all have some pretty, you know, based common sense on what that looks like, but don't, don't hush that person or that perspective.

19:36.78
Velera Wilson
um And another thing I always like to say too, as a leader, are you punishing the people, for example, the women who may have other commitments outside of work that don't allow the

19:51.09
Debra Coleman
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

19:52.48
Velera Wilson
on 24 seven. I think that goes back to culture and leadership modeling and expectations. If you show, if, if you, if your behavior, your messages, your actions show that you value people that are always on, so to speak, what does that say to a person that is committed, but can't give you that 24 seven access?

20:16.73
Velera Wilson
Um, to someone that does have outside responsibilities, but is absolutely ah a strong team player, are you are you not nurturing that person? Are you not seeing that person for the value they bring? Because maybe they can't answer an email at eight or 10 o'clock at night because they've got other things going on other than your work.

20:37.75
Velera Wilson
So just things like that to me become really, really important to have, I just like to call it straight, no filter conversations with leaders about what they think productivity and commitment looks like from their team.

20:52.03
Debra Coleman
Gosh, good points right there. Absolutely. That's right. Just because someone doesn't answer an email at 9 or 10 o'clock at night doesn't mean they they aren't just as impactful or valuable or have an or team player, so to speak. But, yeah.

21:05.24
Debra Coleman
So there are you know there are things that leadership teams or leaders can do to maybe also be um a little aware of of how, like you said, the unconscious bias. So true.

21:16.05
Debra Coleman
So true. ah Love that. Absolutely. My goodness. um My gosh. Well, ah we're coming up on time, but I could just, I mean, this conversation is wonderful, but it's just opened up the door to like 10 more questions that I want to ask Valera.

21:29.72
Debra Coleman
oh ah um Well, for anyone who is listening now who is like, Valera, I hear you, friend, but I just, I don't know. I'm just not sure I'm feeling it yet.

21:40.76
Debra Coleman
is theres what Is there one thing that you can tell this person? Is there doable thing they can do to start practicing um it what it means to own their worth today?

21:51.28
Velera Wilson
Sure. i would say if that person is unsure of their worth, The first thing I would say, it's going to be a couple of things, so I can't narrow it to one, but I would say the first thing is to realize that everyone has been there at some point in time, whether they admit it or not, and you'll never be perfect in that area.

22:01.72
Debra Coleman
There. Hmm. Hmm.

22:13.27
Velera Wilson
We all have different levels and each level of exposure brings a new level of fear and doubt about your capabilities. I would say to embrace that, lean into your past wins.

22:26.98
Velera Wilson
Lean into those moments and times where you were afraid, were exhausted, weren't sure, and you still managed to get through it and to see the result.

22:38.26
Velera Wilson
Refer back to that to to help you keep going and to have something to look forward to, right? Because when you can say, oh, you know what? I was afraid this time, but I got through it and look all the great things I accomplished or got.

22:53.02
Velera Wilson
That helps you in the next situation. And then the other thing I would say is to, in those moments of fear, if you've got people around you that can help you see the good that you bring, ask them for their input and insight. You might be really surprised at what they see and what they recognize in you.

23:09.85
Velera Wilson
And that can give you that extra boost of courage and confidence that you need to have the tough conversation, ask for the thing that you're really afraid to. And not ah not only that, not just only ask, but prepare for the ask.

23:23.28
Velera Wilson
so that you can you can ask with confidence, whether that creating a a business case or the rationale for what you're asking for, you can do it with more objective insight and information that allows you to really ask and go after what you really want.

23:40.55
Debra Coleman
Yes. Excellent advice. Excellent advice. And, you know, I like how you said prepare for the ask, you know. um

23:47.09
Velera Wilson
Yes.

23:47.59
Debra Coleman
Yeah. And be prepared for the answer. Because what if you get what if it's a positive or you get.

23:51.44
Velera Wilson
well That's a whole nother conversation. If you want my answer to that, I'm happy to share it right now.

23:55.06
Debra Coleman
Yeah. Yeah.

23:57.84
Velera Wilson
Otherwise we can have a car too.

23:59.29
Debra Coleman
yeah

23:59.69
Velera Wilson
look like

24:02.05
Debra Coleman
I love it. Hey, don't tempt me. Don't tempt me for the part two. Well, that is actually a beautiful segue. if If my listeners are like, I need more of what Valera is talking about. I want to have a conversation with her about this.

24:13.42
Debra Coleman
How can they find you? And of course, where can we learn more about your book as well?

24:18.27
Velera Wilson
Sure. So You can find me on LinkedIn, Valera Wilson, that's V-E-L-E-R-A Wilson, or you can go on my website, valerawilson.com, and you can find my book on Amazon or on my website.

24:35.35
Debra Coleman
Oh, great. I love that. And I will have links to all of that in the show notes. So be sure to check them out for ways to connect with Valera and also to obtain a copy of her book, which is highly rated on Amazon, might I add. Absolutely.

24:49.29
Debra Coleman
um No pun there. but um and ah yeah And Matt, I say your website is fantastic. There's so much resource and information there. So absolutely, I will have those resources.

24:57.14
Velera Wilson
help

24:58.25
Debra Coleman
Yeah, fantastic. um This has been an important conversation. I think that we touched on the beginning of the conversation, you know, since COVID, I think for women in the workplace specifically, whether they're individual contributors, maybe middle management or leaders, ah it's just a whole new world out there.

25:14.59
Debra Coleman
um I think a lot of the rules that we came into 2020 with don't exist or they've been origami into something else entirely. um And for a lot of us, we're trying to keep up and figure out what that is, not only for ourselves, but with the organizations that we are with too. So,

25:28.45
Debra Coleman
And that's why i treasure conversations like this with experts like yourself to kind of help. I view you as sort of a guidepost. Like, you know, I feel like we're in this like maybe dark kind of forest. And there's Valera. There she is. There's Valera with like a nice torch and her white robe saying, follow me, friends, into the light. And i will show you how to get it done and not lose your sanity in the process. So I just...

25:51.12
Velera Wilson
that's that That's the important part.

25:53.25
Debra Coleman
Yeah. Well, you will show us that we are absolutely worth it and help us, as your book says, to relieve self-doubt and embrace our confidence. Because honestly, sometimes at the end of the day, that's all we have left is our confidence. And if that goes, I don't know what i don't know what else we have. um So I appreciate this conversation.

26:11.85
Debra Coleman
Absolutely. um Do you have time for one last silly bonus question?

26:16.44
Velera Wilson
Oh, absolutely. Go ahead.

26:17.60
Debra Coleman
Okay. All right. Okay, here we go. So, Ms. Valera, as if as life gets crazy and you are a busy professional yourself, nom juggling all the things, what do you do to help you reset and rebalance? Is there maybe a favorite activity or a place you like to visit that just sort of helps bring it back to center for for yourself?

26:39.98
Velera Wilson
Sure. That's a great question. So I like to do things that I kind of like work in sprints and then take the break. So give myself something to look forward to. So typically that involves on the weekends, I want to do something that involves eating.

26:55.07
Velera Wilson
I'm a foodie. I love, I love food. So maybe it's brunch or a new restaurant, something that gets me out and about. um And then I also just pretty much throughout the week, I'm either going to the gym or I'm taking walks with my husband just to stay, you know, healthy and and fit um or traveling. It's, it's a couple of things. It's, I think the big thing for me is what brings me joy and it's taking care of myself, but also spending time with the people that I love and trying new things. So there's a few things.

27:26.20
Debra Coleman
Oh, I love that. I love that. Well, selfishly, we want you to keep that up because if you stay grounded and self and and self-regulated, then we benefit selfishly from that. um

27:36.27
Velera Wilson
All right.

27:36.28
Debra Coleman
but So you say you're a foodie. Do you also like to cook or do you just enjoy others cooking?

27:41.20
Velera Wilson
I enjoy others cooking in this season. I've done my fair share of cooking in the kitchen and i like to i like to eat out and try stuff now.

27:49.14
Debra Coleman
Look at – thank you for saying that. Thank you. Thank you. oh my God. I'm going to amplify that because that is so true. I find myself in the same after 23 years of marriage.

28:00.23
Debra Coleman
Man, i told I recently told my husband this. I said, I just I don't have it anymore. Like all my ideas are gone. I've done i feel like I've done it all. I'm this close to just warming up some mac and cheese. You know, it's like, here it is.

28:11.63
Debra Coleman
That's all I got. I got nothing. But yeah.

28:13.88
Velera Wilson
There you go.

28:14.06
Debra Coleman
Yeah.

28:14.87
Velera Wilson
I'm with you.

28:15.65
Debra Coleman
ah I love it. Oh, well, once again, thank you Valera. Honestly, this has been an impactful conversation. And I thank you for being um for sharing actually your expertise with us and being honest about some of the things we need to face um in order to get from point A to point B in terms of our confidence and self-worth.

28:34.68
Velera Wilson
You are so welcome. Thank you so much, Debra, for having me. This been a really great and fun conversation.