Unleashing Fabulousness: A Conversation with Dorothy Enriquez - CEO of The Ellevate Collective

Debra Coleman [00:00:09]:
Hey there, my fabulous listeners, and I'm using the word fabulous intentionally as you'll come to find out. Are you ready, my sister friends, to dive into some real talk about navigating the ups and downs of being a woman in the work force? Well, you are in for a real treat today because my this episode of Have A Seat, Conversations with Women in the Workplace is all about embracing accountability and unleashing our inner fabulousness with the amazing miss Dorothy Enriquez. Dorothy Enriquez is the CEO and principal consultant of the Elevate Collective, a premier learning and leadership development firm dedicated to cultivating today's team member into tomorrow's leader. Through Elevate Collective, Dorothy has partnered with her team to create transformational cohort style experiences for their clients and help ignite their focus on leadership, diversity, equity, inclusion, and engagement. Their mission is to increase female representation. Listen up. This is where it gets good. Their mission is to increase female representation in the c suite by 2% in the next 5 years.

Debra Coleman [00:01:30]:
Let me repeat that. The Elevate Collective's mission is to increase female representation in the c suite by 2% in the next 5 years. I have never heard of that type of promise or mission statement. Have you? I am in awe in awe. Their client list includes notable brands that you definitely recognize that are a part of our everyday lives. Brands such as Nestle, Campbell's, Northwestern Mutual, Kohl's, and the Boys and Girls Club. In her book, be accountable, be fabulous, which is what we discussed today. This is the main topic of our conversation today.

Debra Coleman [00:02:08]:
In her book, Dorothy offers a humorous self help guide that provides us with positive energy, relatable stories, and easy to understand language, and it truly is all of that and more. And can I say that basically also is how is the tone and vibe of our conversation as well? In her book, be accountable and be fabulous, she breaks it into 3 parts, focusing on work in one section, home and life in the next, and family and friends in another with introspective breaking points throughout the book for readers to

Dorothy [00:02:44]:
reflect

Debra Coleman [00:02:45]:
on the topics covered. She offers activities. She offers a workbook, a PDF version workbook. It is very interactive. This is definitely not a book that you, oh, ho, read and then put back on the shelf. No. This is a book that you will read and actually engage with. There are activities to help elevate you into whatever it is that is your goal.

Debra Coleman [00:03:10]:
So without further ado, I I mean, I could go on and on because I absolutely and and loved my conversation with Dorothy. Not to mention, she is a fellow SoCal girl. And what I mean by that is she also ran around Southern California, specifically in the orange in Orange County, which we refer to it as the OC, the same time I did. I was born and raised there, and I didn't leave California till 2011. But Dorothy was there for a large chunk of her life as well running around the same neighborhoods as me, hanging out in the same cities. And so before the recording, we bonded over that and had such a fun girl talk conversation and caught up with all things OC. So the recording starts right when we started to pivot into our conversation, which I'm sharing with you today. So you did kind of starts in that break.

Debra Coleman [00:04:01]:
So, that's where you kinda see feel like you are tuning into a conversation midway and because you are. So so, anyway, without further ado, here is my fantastic conversation with Dorothy Enriquez, CEO and principal consultant of the Elevate Collective. Well so speaking of the book, Be Accountable and Be Fabulous, which you present a very unique outlook on our personal growth. And, of course yes. You really do. And you highlight, of course, in the title, be accountable, the significance of that, of being held accountable, both keeping ourselves and others around us, which I think all speaks to, like, just empowerment. It it kinda, like, intermingles. Right? So when you what let's start with what what sparked your inspiration to write this book? Did you sense there was, like, an absence or a need, like, within our female community that maybe you were trying to aim to address? Or what kinda what kinda made you pick up pen to paper and start Be Accountable, Be Fabulous?

Dorothy [00:05:05]:
Oh, this is such a good question. And let me tell you why. The thing that spurred this wasn't anybody else, Deborah. It was me. And what happened was, essentially, my life fell apart. And I was looking around, figuring out who I could or should blame for my own demise, And everywhere I looked, there I was. And I was like, this is impossible. I'm such a great planner and such a wonderful decision maker.

Dorothy [00:05:40]:
How is everything literally falling apart? I had quit my job to pursue an entrepreneurial venture full time. I was, you know, in a really crazy relationship, and I just didn't have a backup plan because at the time I thought, if you have a backup plan, it's because you don't trust yourself. And so you gotta go full in to ensure that you're not gonna conk out of the process. And so needless to say, after about 4 months of all shenanigans in the relationship and not really understanding how to focus on revenue generating activities, I left, NorCal back to SoCal, was living with my parents without a plan, about $75 to my name, a maxed out credit card, and I had, you know, left the job that I was at making the most amount of money I had ever made at the time. I had left my apartment. I literally was like, oh my god. My life is falling apart. This is a dumpster fire.

Dorothy [00:06:53]:
And I just to cope, I was kind of writing journal entries about how I was feeling. And as I was writing the journal entries, I turned them into newsletters for the magazine publication that I had at the time. But then as I was pulling the newsletters together, I was like, gosh, I have a lot to say, and I'm not that busy at work. So let me just make this a really long article. Well, your girl is verbose, so it got way too long to be a article. So I thought I would make it into, like, a really short story, but then it got a little too long for that. And so as I was writing, I sent it to friends to ask them what they thought of it, and they were like, this is this could be a book. You just need to make it longer.

Dorothy [00:07:45]:
And so as I made it longer, they asked for additional sections, which is why there's 3 sections in the book. But, essentially, I my demise was my inspiration. After falling apart, how do you put yourself back together and make it more meaningful, more impactful? And looking at the opportunity to maximize so that you have better framing for your future.

Debra Coleman [00:08:16]:
Wow. Wow. So it was really almost like a letter to yourself, or it was

Dorothy [00:08:21]:
Yes. That's why it's so conversational.

Debra Coleman [00:08:25]:
Extremely conversational, which I love and adore. Yes. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Because you you it's very real talk. Like I said, it's almost like a a chat chat a chat transcript or something, like, you know.

Debra Coleman [00:08:39]:
And that's why I thought, oh my gosh. If you do an audio version, it'll be like, you're talking to us, like, on Bluetooth in the car. You know what I mean? Just like, you know. Yes. Wow. Interesting. I love that you took that season of your life and turned it around into something, you know, formative, something that works Mhmm. For you instead of against you.

Debra Coleman [00:08:58]:
What in I mean, who hasn't been there? I think we've all had those seasons where we're just like, what am I doing? Who am I doing? Right? What? Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

Dorothy [00:09:07]:
Yeah. And I just told myself, listen. You know, you're not broken. You're just bent. But if you look at some really cool artistic creations, how those sculptures are bent are what make them beautiful and notable. But they're not broken. It's bent that way on purpose. And so the Dorothy who wrote that book, you know, over a decade ago, she is turning into more and more of the masterpiece that she was designed to be.

Dorothy [00:09:40]:
And you just don't get closer to who you were designed to be without going through anything.

Debra Coleman [00:09:48]:
So true. Without going through anything. That is it. So do you believe that we are constantly a work in progress?

Dorothy [00:09:56]:
Oh my gosh. Yes. We Okay. We never arrive. Like, I think I was talking to someone the other day, and they were just like, well, you know, I don't wanna set, like, you know, too many goals because then if I reach them, I'm gonna think that I've reached my pinnacle, and I'm at the top. So I'd rather just kinda take life as it comes. And I'm like, that's an interesting perspective. But what I find is for those who are goal setters and goal getters, as many of the ambitious individuals, achieve their goals, what they find is that they set new ones.

Dorothy [00:10:35]:
You you reach a particular mountaintop, and you take in the scenery, hopefully, which a lot of times as women, we do not take in the scenery. We just kinda move right on and gloss right over the amazing things that make our lives our lives. But if you take the time, take in the scenery, then you can say, I love this mountaintop. I wonder what another mountaintop could look like. What what could it look like after I bask in this experience and feel it? That way, when I'm getting to the next mountaintop, inherently, there are valleys, but I remember where I used to be, and it'll be even better the next time. And so I find that as you're setting goals, you just end up wanting to do even more stuff. And that's if that's what you wanna do or if you are content with where you are. But I know for me, even when I reach a goal, it it creates a desire to see what that next level could look like.

Debra Coleman [00:11:40]:
Oh my god. I love that. I'm achieve or go for or plan for.

Dorothy [00:11:53]:
Yeah.

Debra Coleman [00:11:55]:
Yeah. Yeah. But also not I mean, it's okay to plateau a little bit too and say, you know what? I'm gonna coast for a while. I'm in a good mood. Everybody's healthy. I'm good, or maybe not. Maybe this is a season where I need to start take I need to take care of others and focus on external things right now. Okay.

Debra Coleman [00:12:12]:
Exactly. Okay. Alright. Because I I the reason why I bring up the other side of the coin like that is I think as women, especially since 2020, I know my listeners have heard me say this so many times, since 2020, It just seems like for me, for the female the the female community, a rock was lifted up, and all of these shadows and all of these things were exposed. Mhmm. And the beautiful thing, I think, at least, and maybe I'm I'm preaching to the choir here, but it seems like we're not afraid to talk about them now, and we're bored. And we're we wanna share and know you're struggling. What are you going through? How can I help? Or what did you learn that might help me? You know? That's

Dorothy [00:12:50]:
Exactly. That's exactly right. And I think that we gave ourselves a platform where we could finally say, like, look. I'm not okay. I'm not okay. No. Things aren't going well. No.

Dorothy [00:13:01]:
I'm not having a good day. Mhmm. Because I think before that, there was this need to kinda just pretend. That's right. And there was, impact in just saying that you're busy.

Debra Coleman [00:13:19]:
Mhmm. Dorothy, did I lose you?

Dorothy [00:13:46]:
No. I'm here.

Debra Coleman [00:13:47]:
Okay. Okay. Sorry. It got super quiet. I thought, oh, no. I lost her. I

Dorothy [00:13:51]:
Oh, no. I had finished I had finished saying, you know, that there's that positive impact where you can say, like, no. I'm not okay. No. I'm not having a good day. Mhmm. And I think that 2020 kinda gave us that permission to share how we're actually feeling because prior to, it was almost glorified to say, yeah. Everything's good.

Dorothy [00:14:19]:
Or, yeah. It's crazy busy, but good. And we just honored busyness. And now I think we're in a more reflective place.

Debra Coleman [00:14:31]:
So well said. We honored busyness, but we're in a more reflective play. It's so true. Oh my gosh. At least that's how I feel the vibe is now too. Exactly. Oh, well, you touched on a lit on this a little bit with your answer. I'd love to chat just for a second on saying no to negativity or the importance of saying no.

Debra Coleman [00:14:54]:
I think that that's another thing that sort of have sparked this new, like, revolution for us is that, you know, it's okay. Someone said recently, a couple years ago, I heard this somewhere, no is a complete sentence. Like, no.

Dorothy [00:15:07]:
Absolutely. Yeah. But we need to practice it more.

Debra Coleman [00:15:13]:
We do. We do. We struggle. I think many people need to be included. Yes. Struggle with assertive communication, especially at work.

Dorothy [00:15:23]:
Yes. For sure. We feel like we have to have a yes stamp and say yes to everything, which ultimately puts us in the precarious position of having to say no to ourselves. And, essentially, we are the talent. So if you're the talent, you have to take care of the talent. But for all of these yeses that we dole out, then that's less opportunity and space for us to take care of ourselves. And I think what often happens for those of us who have a 9 to 5, we often feel like our name is on the front of the building when, ultimately, so many of us are replaceable, but we don't act like it. And so we go to work sick.

Dorothy [00:16:15]:
We go to work tired. We go to work burnt out, and we don't take the time to take care of ourselves when we first see the sign that something's wrong.

Debra Coleman [00:16:29]:
Forsee the signs when something's wrong, what would that show up like? What would that look like?

Dorothy [00:16:34]:
The body keeps score. Even if you don't, your body will. And so I think, you know, it's conversations with friends where it's like, wow. You know, I've been sleeping horribly lately. I'm so exhausted. When I'm driving to work, I get there, and I I'm like, oh, wow. I didn't even how did I get here? I feel like I was almost asleep on the drive. Or it's, you know, feeling that tickle in your throat for 3 days, but you're not maybe going in a little late or leaving a little early and taking medicine and relaxing on the couch and drinking a cup of tea to rejuvenate and recuperate instead, you're still going as if you're a 100%.

Dorothy [00:17:17]:
And then all of a sudden, you've got the flu, but it's the worst flu you've ever gotten, and you feel like you're dying. Or instead, now you've got a bladder infection because, yes, your body has told you a 1000000 times you need to go to the bathroom, but you won't go. You keep saying I'll go later. And so our body keeps score. We we don't do the things that we really need to do for ourselves, but those other things are what we call self care. We'll call getting our hair done self care. That is not self care. You just don't wanna look like you don't take care of yourself.

Dorothy [00:17:51]:
Go get your nails done. That's self care. No. It's not. Because you don't want your nails to look raggedy. Self care is the thing that you know you need to do for you, but you keep putting it off. You need a massage, but you haven't had one in months. That's self care.

Dorothy [00:18:04]:
Your feet hurt. You need to go see the foot doctor, but you haven't gone in months. That's self care. Your teeth hurt, but you can't go to the dentist because you don't wanna leave work in the middle of the day. That's self care. It's the thing that you know you need to do, but you keep putting it off. But it would help you take care of the talent that much better so that you could show up a 100% and be your best self.

Debra Coleman [00:18:31]:
Oh, that is the best definition of self care I honestly have heard.

Dorothy [00:18:37]:
Yes. What a win.

Debra Coleman [00:18:40]:
Totally. Because you're right. We do that. Oh, well, I got my nails done. Self care day. Is it though? Like, it's

Dorothy [00:18:46]:
not No. It's not. Because no. Because you just don't want these nails looking crazy. And you depending on what kind of nail stuff you do, you don't want them to break, crack, chip, because then it's gonna hurt. But that's not self care. You wanna make sure you look well kempt and well cared for. But that's not self care.

Dorothy [00:19:06]:
You're gonna do it because you just don't want your nails or toes or hair to look sloppy.

Debra Coleman [00:19:13]:
Right. You

Dorothy [00:19:13]:
wanna look like you care.

Debra Coleman [00:19:15]:
Then you wanna look like you care. Yeah. It matters externally. You know, we need to present ourselves.

Dorothy [00:19:21]:
That's right.

Debra Coleman [00:19:22]:
What do you say to that woman though who might be listening who's like, Dorothy, I hear you, but, girlfriend, I am going 0 to 60. Yeah. My feet hurt. Whatever. I'll just wear different shoes one day. Yeah. My teeth hurt. I don't have time for a dentist appointment.

Debra Coleman [00:19:34]:
I have a presentation. I've got then I gotta fly to Denver, and then my kid has a recital. Like, I don't have time to go there. Do you have time for the dinner? What do you say to, you know, Maggie excuses out there?

Dorothy [00:19:45]:
Not Maggie excuses. So what I will say to Maggie excuses is that we've all been there, and then one day, your body sits you down because you won't sit down. It's just that when it's not by your own hands, that's when it's the most painful. That is when you've caught COVID for the 3rd time, and you literally feel like you're dying this time. That is when, you know, the whole house gets sick and you get it the worst. That is when you do have the big presentation, but now you have ruptured vocal cords and you have the worst case of laryngitis that the doctors have ever seen. And so, ultimately, I believe that as leaders, and specifically as lady leaders, we have an opportunity to model taking care of ourselves for other people, and that's where no comes in. Yes.

Dorothy [00:20:47]:
Your kid has a recital, but depending on if your kid's in ballet or piano, that's not gonna be their only recital because I would venture to say if that child had to decide if they want a mommy for the rest of the year, they would say, yeah. No. Come to the next one. I don't want that I'm running I'm part of the process of you running yourself ragged. There's there's all sorts of sacrifices that we make, but I think the people who care about us most, honestly, I think they just want us to be here. I think they want us to be here for the rest of the year. They want us to be here for the next few years at least. And so part of that is us taking care of ourselves.

Dorothy [00:21:36]:
But society tells us, take care of yourself last. But I do think that we have to listen to these airlines when they say put your mask on first. But how we do one thing is how we do anything. And if we don't wanna put our mask on first, then when we start having to navigate the cost of saying, well, I ain't got time. I'm a just I'll do it later. Then when we're walking around with no feet, no hands, no hair, and no lashes, we're wondering, how did we ever let it get this bad? Mhmm. And it's a series of choices that foster our decisions that are causing us to play an integral role in our own suffering. You know what? I don't wanna suffer.

Dorothy [00:22:22]:
If I gotta go pee, I'm going to the bathroom. I'm sorry. You just have to wait. It's not gonna take that long. I'll be right back.

Debra Coleman [00:22:32]:
Exactly. I know some women who love to take bathroom breaks because it's the only time they have, like, 5 minutes to themselves.

Dorothy [00:22:38]:
Seriously. But we won't even do that. To? We won't even do that. We will hold it, Deborah. We'll hold it for this inconvenience. Mhmm. How inconvenient for me to have to do this thing again.

Debra Coleman [00:22:53]:
Why do we feel that way? You touched on leaders, though. Is it I believe also, as female leaders too, you are beholden. It is your due diligence to look at your team members, especially your female team members, sorry, our male sorry, male allies, but true, as a holistic. Okay. You might have heard. Okay. Deborah says she's got her, you know, kids' recital at 5 o'clock next Tuesday. So maybe we our meeting could end by 3.

Debra Coleman [00:23:21]:
Let's give Deb time to get home, get, like, it it it kinda works both ways. We need to watch out over ourselves, but at the same time, we have this, like, false obligation to, like, do all the things and be everything at work. But if our as I I love that you pointed out, like but leaders need to model. Don't just say the words like, we're here for you, but model that.

Dorothy [00:23:42]:
Exactly. Exactly. And I think part of it stems from this idea that for women who have families, you are expected to mother and or wife as if you don't have a job and work as if you don't have a partner or children. And so when we kind of examine the iteration of, you know, spouses, especially in heterosexual relationships, and how much in those relationships men help with the load at home to include children and house management compared to women. And when we look at the load that women carry, it's quite uneven in the US. But the US is one of the main countries that does not provide support when it comes to child care, and that came into effect in the sixties seventies when the government said, if you let other people raise your children, you will be a bad parent. And so, hence, why in this country in particular, we navigate so much mom guilt. This is not new.

Dorothy [00:24:52]:
We have language for it now, but that's not a new concept. Mothers have been told to feel guilty since the sixties seventies. And so it has while they may not have articulated it in that way, that has been navigating around in the United States for decades. And so I don't know that it's just mom guilt. I think that there's other forms of guilt that have been placed upon women that even now we may not have language for. But, again, that also speaks to why women often, whether they have kids or not, a spouse or not, why we struggle with no. And that I also believe stems back to elementary school when young girls and little girls are trying to take charge on the playground, and they're being called bossy. But little Tommy does it, and he is the next red.

Dorothy [00:25:42]:
He's the next leader during the game of Red Rover, but Susie needs to pipe down and relax because it's just a bloody game. This starts from day 1, Deborah. This is not like, oh my god. How did we get like this? We've been like this.

Debra Coleman [00:26:00]:
So true. Oh my god. It's great.

Dorothy [00:26:02]:
Listen. I'm

Debra Coleman [00:26:03]:
telling you so perfect.

Dorothy [00:26:04]:
I am in so many classes, and I'm like, all my men in the room, raise your hand if you've ever been called bossy. If there are 20 dudes in that space, 1 or 2 will raise hands, and both of them will share that their mother called them bossy pants. But that being called bossy outside of the home, never. No. Right. It's just girls that get called bossy when boys get called leaders for exhibiting the same behaviors, characteristics, traits, and attributes.

Debra Coleman [00:26:35]:
But the majority of our male colleagues don't have the same pressures we do. They don't have to go home and continue to work, continue to put food on the table, get lunch ready, change diapers, whatever they can. They have the luxury and the privilege of putting their feet up, so to speak. Not everybody, but

Dorothy [00:26:52]:
most of them. Right. But there's been a body of work paranoid.

Debra Coleman [00:26:57]:
I don't know.

Dorothy [00:26:57]:
Listen. There's a body of work around women who have to navigate the second shift, where you go to work all day and then you come home and then the work essentially does not stop. And so there's a lot of framing around this, and it it it often begins right after you have a baby. And so right after you have a baby, essentially, the focus, naturally, is on the baby. How's the baby doing? Is the baby eating? Is the baby drinking? Is the baby doing what the baby is the baby, you know, going to the bathroom? And then they may ask the mother, are you okay? But the main focus is the baby and not necessarily the mental health, emotional health, and physical health of the mother. The baby will go to the doctor more times in 6 weeks than the mother will. And so society is telling you where the priority is. It's a wonder that it's hard to say no and that it is hard to put yourself first when the moment your role shifts, you almost are told that you're last.

Debra Coleman [00:28:08]:
So when we do take the chance, I should say, and say no and use it as a complete sentence or put up boundaries within our work life balance and stick to them, how do we battle back the guilt monsters, the guilt gremlins that say, oh, Deb, should you have really done that? Maybe you should've just gone in today. You know, how do we battle back? We know we're right. We put up these boundaries for a reason, and we actually function better within our boundaries. But how do we battle back the guilt gremlins?

Dorothy [00:28:38]:
So you know what I do. I don't know if this is the best advice, but I basically just ask myself, what would Connor do? So, essentially, if I were a man, would he feel guilty about would Aiden feel guilty? If the answer is no, then I'm just going to continually remind myself of the dynamics that are at play because, eventually, I'm not gonna be thinking about it. So, like, if I didn't go in today, for example like, I'm supposed to go in. I've got something to do for my boss, but I'm feeling horrible. And I'm looking at the calendar, and I know that I could miss today in order to be fresh and in tip top shape when I need to be customer facing next week. Well, I'm gonna be worried about it for a few hours just because women have a larger prefrontal cortex than men do, so we're inclined to worry, mull, and ruminate. But after a few hours, I'm not gonna be worried about it anymore. And so, ultimately and I'm definitely not gonna be worried about it the next day when I actually go back into work.

Dorothy [00:29:51]:
And so for me, I just allow myself to kinda just sit with it for a couple of hours. And if I find myself worrying too much, knowing that the prefrontal cortex is very large, what you can do is, as women, you can tell yourself a story. So I can say to myself, you know what? I didn't go into work today because an alligator broke into my house and bit my feet off, so I wouldn't have been able to drive. Now here's the thing. You might be thinking like, what? This is first of all, that's not realistic. Why does it have to be so wild in your mind, Dorothy? But, ultimately, what happens with our prefrontal cortex is that it doesn't care what the story is. It's just looking for relief. And so we can use these same techniques and tactics when we do this runaway thinking thing that most of us women do, which is, let's say, we're sending an email for a really important opportunity or we sent an email saying we wanna be considered for a promotion and we don't get a response.

Dorothy [00:30:52]:
The first thing we often think is they're mad at me. They wanna fire me. They don't think I'm good enough. Like, we literally just because they're not responding as fast as we would like. And so we start thinking all of these things, which more often than not, we don't have any basis or grounds for those thoughts. So because you sent the email and they're not responding as as fast as you would like, just say, you know what? They're on a jet, and they were supposed to go to Africa on the jet, but they accidentally got sent to Jupiter. And so it's just gonna take them a while to get back. And as soon as they get back from Jupyter, because that's really far, they'll respond.

Dorothy [00:31:30]:
It doesn't matter that it's so outlandish. Your brain just needs something that's gonna allay this propensity to mull and ruminate. Now that portion of your brain is distracted so that you can move on because there's a reason why you called off today. Mhmm. And that reason is just as important. You'll be back tomorrow. God willing, you'll be back tomorrow.

Debra Coleman [00:31:58]:
So why stress now? Why stress now?

Dorothy [00:32:01]:
Correct. Why stress now? Because, again, if the body keeps score and you really needed to take care of yourself, you're buying time today so that you can fight the good fight another day.

Debra Coleman [00:32:16]:
That type of mind play would absolutely work with me. That would

Dorothy [00:32:19]:
absolutely work with me. It works with me every time. I'm like, this is not gonna work. This is not gonna work. This is not gonna work. It it works because, ultimately, we have a larger prefrontal cortex than men do. So we tend to mull and ruminate and first of all, women are typically the only ones that'll be like, oh my god. I cannot believe I said that to that person 7 years ago.

Dorothy [00:32:39]:
What was I thinking? Well, we remember exactly what we said, and we remember exactly who we said it to, and we still feel bad. Men don't do that now. They do not.

Debra Coleman [00:32:50]:
Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. No. No. No. Okay. Well, then speak to the leaders in the house.

Debra Coleman [00:32:58]:
Speak to them. What can they do so we so we don't feel like we're being ignored, we're being passed up. I shouldn't have taken that data. Because, yes, I will accept 50% of that, but, also, I have to have a leader that actually exhibits and allows me to not feel guilty to take the time off. And I know there's many leaders out there who are really good at this, but there are others, let's face it, who aren't, who make people feel bad for, well, Dorothy, you weren't here Friday and that's when we had the meeting about it, so I guess you're SOL. You know, it's like, well, wait a minute. I had to take off Friday. Y'all knew I took off.

Debra Coleman [00:33:31]:
I took off vacation day. And then internally, you know what? And now I'm thinking, I'm not I I'm not gonna take a day off again. I can't take a day off again for another 3 months. You know what I mean? Like, come on. Does some of this rest at our leadership's feet? Some of it, a percentage?

Dorothy [00:33:44]:
Absolutely. And so I think that, number 1, it's easier said than done. But I find when you have, a leader who's not a good leader, that is a sign. Because what 2 things that we know for sure. People don't quit companies. They quit bosses. People don't just quit bosses. They quit cultures.

Dorothy [00:34:07]:
And so when you know that you have a leader who is not team Dorothy, team Deborah, team you, you've got a couple things to assess as a leader. Even if you don't have direct reports, you're a leader. But leaders are supposed to be optimized and equipped to lead from every seat they sit in. But leaders aren't born. They are created, cultivated, and supported. And so if that is the case, then you have to go on an intricate journey to decide, is this position, role, and opportunity worth it? In some instances, it is absolutely worth it. It's often temporary, but it's absolutely worth it. This is a training ground.

Dorothy [00:34:53]:
This is a breeding ground that's gonna allow you to catapult in the next 18 to 24 months. But the other thing that I will lift up for your consideration is because of your talent, because of your skill set, because of your competence, capacity, and confidence, is there another organization that you could gift your leadership to that would appreciate your talent and perspective? So often, we don't quit because when we have bosses like that, we start to second guess our competence and our capacity to achieve. And so we end up staying even though it's toxic. And so we feel like there is no other opportunity. This is probably the best I can do. I don't know why they haven't fired me already. But what I will lift up is, if you're good at what you do, not that you think you're good at it, but if you know you're good at it, I want you to consider just exploring. You don't have to leave, but consider exploring what other opportunities are available out there for you within the organization so that you don't have to report to this person who clearly is not team you.

Dorothy [00:36:00]:
And the next thing I wanna lift up, especially if you're like, I can't quit. I won't quit, Dorothy. You can't make me. I'm not gonna make you do anything, child. You're grown. But the other thing I will lift up is build an army, an army of individuals who are team you so that it doesn't matter which way anybody turns in the organization. They are team you so that you can get an advocate and a champion so that, essentially, you can switch roles so that you don't have to deal with that leader. The only other option I have is for you to make that person fall in love with you through rebranding.

Dorothy [00:36:37]:
That's a big pickup, but it can be done, but it is annoying. So you do have options. And so from all of that, I want you to hold that you are not trapped. You are not trapped. You're always one decision away from changing everything. But that really is up to you, and it's up to you to unlock your mind because your mind is very, very powerful. All those mindsets are literally running in the background, but I if you feel trapped, you can't think. If you can't think, you can't decide.

Dorothy [00:37:08]:
And so I don't want you to feel trapped in your situation and circumstance. I want you to know there's always always a decision you can make even if it is extremely scary and you're just shaking. In your stilettos, there's always a decision that you can make that will change everything.

Debra Coleman [00:37:29]:
She said as she drops the mic and walks off stage. Like, that is the pinnacle right there. And as you were saying that right before you said the words, literally in my mind, you said I was thinking, you're not trapped. Don't fall for that. Don't settle for that.

Dorothy [00:37:45]:
You you have a question,

Debra Coleman [00:37:46]:
and then you said it. Yeah. Beautiful illustration

Dorothy [00:37:47]:
of that point.

Debra Coleman [00:37:48]:
Oh. That's Which, if you allow me, that

Dorothy [00:37:50]:
speaks to your motto,

Debra Coleman [00:37:56]:
if you allow me, that speaks to your motto. A remarkable leader is one who produces another leader. Would you like to finish that?

Dorothy [00:38:05]:
Who can produce another leader? Who can produce another leader?

Debra Coleman [00:38:10]:
There you go. There you go. And that's what's happening. As I was thinking that especially when you said find your tribe, find your army, like, that's all that's the motto that was running through my brain. Because, like, hey. You know what? By just by sheer power of being there for each other, you are practicing leadership and you are empowering each other to be leaders of our own lives at least.

Dorothy [00:38:29]:
Absolutely. Absolutely.

Debra Coleman [00:38:34]:
And I love that you mentioned. You don't have to be, like, basically someone's direct report to be considered a leader. Like, you are a leader. You you are your own CEO.

Dorothy [00:38:42]:
Exactly. Exactly. And you are your chief encouragement officer. That's what you are. And leadership is influence, and the first and main person that you'll influence the most is yourself. Yeah. If you don't listen to you, who else is gonna listen to you? Ask you for a friend. I'm just saying.

Dorothy [00:39:05]:
Like, Deborah, go to the bathroom. No. I'm not going. You can't make me, but I am you. Like, what? Come on now. What are we doing?

Debra Coleman [00:39:15]:
And then I called Dorothy complaining that my my staff doesn't listen to me. Well, you don't even listen to you. So I'm

Dorothy [00:39:19]:
not You don't even listen to you.

Debra Coleman [00:39:22]:
Connect the dots.

Dorothy [00:39:23]:
This to yourself every day, and you wonder why they just can't get it together. You're like, they can never get their poop in a group. Clearly, you are modeling the way. Like

Debra Coleman [00:39:35]:
Modeling. New way. Yes. See? Right back up circle and right back up to what you said at the start of our conversation. Model the behavior. Like, be that model for others. Yeah. Wow.

Dorothy [00:39:47]:
Exactly. See

Debra Coleman [00:39:49]:
how it all comes together. Oh my

Dorothy [00:39:51]:
god. I love it when the plan comes together.

Debra Coleman [00:39:56]:
Oh, Dorothy, what the what is your then your overall definition of fabulous in the context of our personal growth?

Dorothy [00:40:06]:
That's a great question. I don't think anyone's ever asked me this. I think to be fabulous means that you are doing the deep work of getting comfortable in your own skin so that you don't feel like you have to be anybody but you to be successful. I think you're fabulous when you realize, in my case, right, that I'm literally the best Dorothy ever. I am going pro. No one can out Dorothy me. And as long as I'm comfortable in that space, I am giving myself permission to soar and permission to flourish. I don't wanna just survive.

Dorothy [00:40:53]:
I already did that. I don't wanna just survive. I wanna thrive. But when you're fabulous and you're doing that deep work of getting comfortable with you because you every every ounce of you, every hair on your head, all of this is intentional. It's personality. I need these characteristics, traits, and attributes, and I'm gonna work on my strengths so that my weaknesses aren't just sharpened weaknesses where I'm still weak, but I'll work on my strengths and be the best me that I can be, then you are creating the foundation to not just be fabulous inside, but to be fabulous outside as well.

Debra Coleman [00:41:42]:
Beautiful. What an answer. What an empowering and inspiring what do you wanna be what is fabulous to you?

Dorothy [00:41:59]:
Yes.

Debra Coleman [00:42:00]:
Mhmm. I love that. You

Dorothy [00:42:01]:
gave me

Debra Coleman [00:42:03]:
that introspective thought back in that answer you provided. Like, well, gosh. I think I have to answer that. You know? When he gave me the skeleton, now I have to fill it in.

Dorothy [00:42:12]:
Exactly. Yes. Mhmm. Yes.

Debra Coleman [00:42:16]:
Oh, wow. Beautifully put. Beautifully put. We are so lucky that you exist, Dorothy. We are so

Dorothy [00:42:23]:
lucky. Yes. I love this thread.

Debra Coleman [00:42:27]:
It's so wonderful. Well, listen. Where can my listeners find you to learn more about you and to and to pick up what you're putting down? This is just amazing.

Dorothy [00:42:34]:
Oh my gosh. I love this. Well, they can find me at the elevatecollective.com. That's with 2 l's, e l l e v a t e. I'm at the elevate collective on Instagram. And, and on TikTok, I am at ElevateHer CEO. And so I'm all over the place. I would love to connect with y'all on LinkedIn.

Dorothy [00:43:00]:
That one's easy. I'm Dorothy Enriquez, But let's stay in touch. I would love to hear from you, lady leaders, and I'd love for us to connect and see how we can help you lead from every seat you sit in.

Debra Coleman [00:43:14]:
Oh, and how can you not? How can you should be listening to this and actually pulling up your phone and your laptops, plugging in the elevate collective.com right now because Yeah. I'm telling you, there is so much more in store. And tell us where we may be able to snag a copy of your fabulous book. Oh, I loved it.

Dorothy [00:43:32]:
It's on it's on Amazon. It's on Barnes and Noble. It's on Lulu, and it's on the website, the elevate collective.com. If you go to our store, you can get it there as well.

Debra Coleman [00:43:48]:
Excellent. Wonderful. And I should say I will have links to all of this wonderfulness in the show notes. So click the show notes link there right there as you're listening, and you will find all these ways to connect with Dorothy and her team. It is honestly not to pass up. Fantastic. Fantastic. Oh, before I let you get back to your fabulous and accountable life, miss Dorothy, do you have time for one last question?

Dorothy [00:44:13]:
Absolutely. What you got?

Debra Coleman [00:44:16]:
Okay. As you've as you've shown us, you are a dynamo. You are a dynamite lady, and the advice you've given I mean, honestly, I've got 2 no pages full. Like, I've just got a low key therapy session right now.

Dorothy [00:44:29]:
Oh my gosh. Yes. I'm here for every drop of this.

Debra Coleman [00:44:34]:
Seriously. Oh my gosh. And when we should say, though, that your book also, like, it has, like, activities and workbooks. Correct? So, like,

Dorothy [00:44:42]:
it's very interactive. Yeah. I'm sorry. I was just interactive. There's questions at the end of the sections. The work book, you can get it. If you go to our website, you can get the the workbook as well. And so, yeah, it's it's it's designed for you to work through, think about things versus just, you know, sitting and getting.

Dorothy [00:45:06]:
No. You gotta do something. You need to get a notebook. You need to make some audio messages to yourself so that you can grow. And then when you take the quiz, which is, be accountable, be fabulous.com, when you take the quiz, you'll get a free checklist of how you can start being accountable more accountable today.

Debra Coleman [00:45:26]:
Oh, brilliant. I love, love, love that because there's something about taking pen to paper and actually doing something that helps us retain. And I think, for me, anyway, it makes me feel more act like, I'm actively doing something, you know, which feeds my soul and my mental state of mind. I love that. Thank you for that. Absolutely. Again, I will have links to that in the show notes as well. Okay.

Debra Coleman [00:45:48]:
So back to my last question. When life gets a little crazy for Dorothy and you're being pulled in many directions as we sort of illustrated and touched on in our conversation

Dorothy [00:45:59]:
Yes.

Debra Coleman [00:46:01]:
What what does Dorothy like to do to reset and rebalance and sort of bring it back to center?

Dorothy [00:46:08]:
Oh, you know what? Okay. So I like to go to the chiropractor. And then within that same week, I like to try to schedule a massage. But if I cannot do it, right, like, if I'm not being diligent about taking care of the talent, then what I will do instead is I will take a day off, and I will be intentional also that week about planning a date with my husband so that we can just kinda have time to ourselves to laugh, joke, walk around, try something new so that I can create, you know, a little bit of novelty and then have my brain focusing on something different. And then if I don't do that, then what I do is I'll go on TikTok, and I will look at something based on something that I would like to do. So if I want to redo the pantry, I'm gonna go on TikTok and look for pantry inspiration, and I'm gonna find a project that has nothing to do with work. Because, typically, that's the primary driver of what causes me to feel like I'm pulled in a bunch of different directions. It typically starts there, and then it just fireworks outward.

Dorothy [00:47:29]:
So I will find, a project that I wanna focus on and then go on TikTok for ideas and then figure out how I can start to create a mood board or actually implement the project. Because 9 times out of 10, that has nothing to do with what is causing me to feel a little stressed or a little cramped by whatever is going on.

Debra Coleman [00:47:55]:
I love it. That that's those sound like really bring it back to center activities from

Dorothy [00:48:01]:
the

Debra Coleman [00:48:01]:
garage to the chiropractor. Yes.

Dorothy [00:48:04]:
Yes. And and

Debra Coleman [00:48:05]:
a TikTok lover, so I get the TikTok reference. Absolutely.

Dorothy [00:48:08]:
Well, yes. And the thing is the reason why I do the TikTok thing with projects that I wanna do is because for my work, it requires so much mental. Like, it's a lot of thinking. But if I'm working on a project in the house, that is me doing and using my hands. And so it gives me a opportunity to get out of my head.

Debra Coleman [00:48:31]:
Get out of your head. Exactly. And are you like me when I do activities like that? Then that's when ideas kinda strike sometimes.

Dorothy [00:48:39]:
Oh, exactly.

Debra Coleman [00:48:41]:
Okay. I just thought my way out of that problem. Yay. You know? Go me as I'm sitting here pulling weeds. You know? I mean Exactly.

Dorothy [00:48:47]:
Or, like, I'm reorganizing the pantry. That has nothing to do with anything that's stressing me out. But, also, I think what it does for me is it allows me to show myself that I'm I can win because I that I'm not gonna not get it done. This pantry is not going to fight me at all. It's not gonna push back. It's not gonna tell me why my organizational approach is not a good idea. It's not gonna tell me, oh, we're late with our payment. Like, it's not gonna do any of that.

Dorothy [00:49:16]:
It is going to get organized the way that I envisioned it, and then I'm gonna see something beautiful that I created, and that just gives me that oomph that I need to keep going so that I can go do what I need to do.

Debra Coleman [00:49:31]:
Oh, god. I love that. I love that. Take the take the win, and we'll take the dumpsters anywhere we can get them. Yeah. Exactly.

Dorothy [00:49:39]:
Exactly. I'm gonna win at this I'm good. This pantry is gonna look good. This bathroom decor, when I'm done with it, it's gonna look so serene in here, and this bathroom is not gonna fight me. It's not. At the end of this, I win.

Debra Coleman [00:49:55]:
Exactly. That's right. So just wait and stop me next time I go into work. Just you wait. I've got a bathroom with my, you know

Dorothy [00:50:02]:
That's right. Market my food and stuff. In there. It looks beautiful in there.

Debra Coleman [00:50:08]:
Yeah. We need that. We do. We need that because we may we can't rely on work to validate. We have to get a Yeah. To things.

Dorothy [00:50:16]:
Say it again for the people in the back.

Debra Coleman [00:50:20]:
You are more than what you do, friend, more than your career. There's so much more to you. Absolutely. Wow. Yes. Dorothy, you reminded us of that, that it's okay to be strong and to be feminine and to take ownership and, more importantly, to be accountable and to be fabulous. I

Dorothy [00:50:38]:
am a proud organization.

Debra Coleman [00:50:40]:
Oh, thank you so much.

Dorothy [00:50:41]:
Thank you for having me. This is awesome.

Debra Coleman [00:50:45]:
Well, my friends, as we wrap up this empowering episode of Have A Seat, Conversations With Women in the Workplace, I want to once again extend a huge thank you to Dorothy Enriquez for sharing her invaluable wisdom with us today. And I really also wanna thank her for just going there and being candid and allowing the conversation to sort of open up and to really dive into truly relatable and on point topics that are affecting women in the workplace today. And in some respects, to be fair, I can't believe that there are certain topics that we are still fighting for and discussing today even in 2024. But that I mean, topics that our mothers and grandmothers were probably discussing. Right? But we're still contending with them today. And so I appreciate women like Dorothy and her leadership to help navigate us through those waters and to help bring a healthy perspective and a more empowered tone to the conversation. Because I know we will get there, ladies. We will.

Debra Coleman [00:51:46]:
We will. But it's conversations like this that I truly believe help move the needle. So if you're feeling inspired and ready to embark on your journey to personal growth and empowerment, be sure to check out the show notes for ways to connect with Dorothy and her team and dive deeper into her transformational insights. They are amazing. Trust me. Trust me. You will not be sorry. Check out the show notes for ways to connect with Dorothy and to learn more about the Elevate collective.

Debra Coleman [00:52:16]:
And remember, remember my sister friends, the conversation doesn't end here. Head over to the have a seat website to discover more inspiring conversations, link in the show notes as well, with incredible women just like Dorothy. Many conversations like this covering many of the same or similar topics are being had. So check out the additional conversations on the Have A Seat website. Until next time, keep embracing your accountability and letting your fabulousness shine. And remember, stay safe, be well, and keep having those conversations.